Monday, August 10, 2009

Words that hurt

This weekend I spend some time with some friends I have not seen in a while and it was good but confusing???

I have talked before about how words hurt a person and that people don't seem to care what they say or do. My friends and I were just hanging out and you know conversations go from silly to very weird lol! Something came up about one of their friends and they went on about how she was overweight and how bad she is looking. Ok I am sitting there and they don't seem to notice my reaction. I know I should not let this bother me but it makes me wonder what they say about me when I am not around? People these days don't really care how they treat others and to come from two people I think are my friends kinda hurt my feelings (I know I know)and I feel sorry for there friend because they obviously judge her by her weight and not the kind of person she is. I so define myself by my weight (I know it is wrong) but I am very insecure about the way I look and to hear two people who are always telling me you look amazing you have done so well is kind of weird for me. Do they really mean what they say or are they just being polite?

You should never judge anyone and if you do please don't pick something that is obviously something they are working on.


Melanie said...

I can totally relate to that story. I had a similar situation with friends. My friend & her hubby invited my fiance & I and another couple out on their boat. Yeah, bathing suits to make it all worse. The husband of the other couple started talking about one of their mutual friends. Her employer was moving their office to another location closer to town. The guy said, "you know why they're doing that? "Jane" needed to be closer to the restaurants" or something like that. He kept going on how fat she was, how much she eats, it was sad.
Totally made me wonder what he was going to say about me when I wasn't around. I ended up telling my friend that I didn't want to go on the boat again when that other couple was going. Brent & I never got invited again & we are no longer friends with them. Go figure. Guess bashing your "friends" was common-place in their circle...not a circle I want or need to be in.
Hopefully your friends will realize how hurtful their comments are.

Emmett said...

Love the quote at the end, I think I will put it on facebook. I looked for your profile, don't see it.

Shelley said...

Sounds like your friends are kinda well as judgmental. Sorry you had to hear those harsh words - please don't take them to heart.

alette siri ane said...

Remember these comments say more of those who say them.I try to think they are still in a learning phase.This is their problem,please let them keep it.You are on a different road.

Lakeland Jo said...

You say that you define yourself by your weight but in fact it is your friends that are defining themselves in that way by only thinking about the person they were talking about in terms of her size. It obviously matters a lot to them (that a person can only be 'ok' if he or she is thin ) and we know that is complete nonsense!! Well done to you for doing so well. Keep on doing it for you and don't worry about what other people say.

Miz said...


different subject matter but the exact same feeling.

you nailed it in your last sentence. and even if you may THINK THEY ARENT WORKING ON IT---THEY PROBABLY ARE.

xo xo,


pish said...

You know, Mara, I hope what I'm about to say doesn't sound harsh. You said that you define yourself by your weight... that doesn't mean that everyone else defines you that way. Sometimes friends talk about each other because they are genuinely concerned.

I know my friends don't say it, but they are genuinely concerned about my obesity. They've talked about me and how much weight I've gained over the years because they don't want to lose their friend. They want me to be happy, healthy and alive to share experiences with them (and not be limited by the weight!).

When I lose weight, they talk to each other when I'm not there and say, "Damn! It's good to see that pish is taking better care of herself". I think I have really great friends, who, even though it hurts and is way hard to deal with, are honest with me and each other about these feelings. Hell, yeah, it's uncomfortable! But sometimes, we have to face ourselves, too.

I think your friends are truly proud of you for your GREAT accomplishment (I mean, INCREDIBLE!). Maybe these friends were just concerned for their other friend. I don't know the full context of your conversation the other night. If they were being superficial about it, maybe a good way for you to deal with your discomfort at this topic and to be even MORE motivational than you already are (is that even possible?! why not?), is to suggest that maybe their friend needs some help, encouragement, etc. You know, the things FRIENDS do! This way, you help everyone out, including yourself.

Hold your head up, lady, 'cause you have no idea how some folks admire you!