Friday, February 27, 2009

Thanks - Just being a Moper!

Thanks everyone for your kind words I have let this person I don't know shoot my confidence down to zero. I was moping (is that a word?)last night laying in bed just feeling sorry for myself and I did not go to the gym (should have went I know). One of my Friends called to check in for the day and she could tell I was unhappy and she told me letting this person hurt me is not right that I am so strong that I can pick myself back up and move on. I hear her words but I am finding it hard to move on - I know that words should not matter but somehow they do. I am so upset with myself for letting this consume me and I do know better I just need to refocus and get over it!

Life is to short to let these little things hurt us (I should really listen to myself!) and I really do know I can do this I just need to find myself again and just do it!

Thanks again everyone you guys rock!

"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born."
- Anais Nin

Thursday, February 26, 2009

What - how rude!

Yesterday I was in the grocery store picking up some snacks for work (yogurt, peanuts and some cheese) and as I proceeded to the check out I bumped into this young guy (maybe 25?) and all of the items I was holding fell on the floor. As I proceeded to apologize to him and pick up my items he turned around and said "watch it you fat cow"! As I tried to keep my cool and not get upset with him I let him know I was sorry for bumping into him and he cut me off then proceeded to make more comments and also call me a Bitch! Ok if you don't know me that well you are not qualified to call me that and even calling me names what is that about? I try really hard to always be positive and not let words or someone’s actions hurt me but I have to say this has been eating at me all night and even into this morning. I am really good about not listening to others comments but for some reason this has been hitting me hard in the last 24 hours.

In the the last few months I have maintained the 273 lbs (but gained 2 so now I am 275 lbs.) I think I might be a little sensitive about the whole thing. I am trying to refocus my positive attitude and not let this get me down but how rude of someone to make me feel this way and why do I let it bother me so much? One of my favorite quotes is by Eleanor Roosevelt "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" these are actually words I live by - you control how you feel and you should NEVER let anyone bring you down. I just think my confidence level is faltering and I just need to pick myself back up and know within myself I am better than that!

Have any of you come across this and how did you handle it?

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Weigh In

Yesterday I finally went to the Doctor for my nagging cough and he let me know I have a touch of bronchitis he gave me some yummy cough syrup (Grape, even at my age I need flavor come on!) and I also had a weigh in.

I was really nervous because I have been stuck at 273 since Christmas and I want to get back on the losing side of things. Well it was not as bad as I thought I only gained 2 lbs. (275 lbs to date) - Really if you think about it 2 lbs is not that hard to get rid of it is just the fact I am trying to lose and not gain that sticks in my head. But I am determined to start losing again and I am focused on that and determined to meet my goal for the next few months. So that means a lot more time at the gym and just getting it done.

So back to the grind stone everyone I will accomplish this and I will stay positive!

Monday, February 23, 2009

Howdy Everyone!

Well I made it back in one piece! I had a great time with my Son I am one proud Momma - but I had the travel day from hell on Sunday and I am so tired today.

I am going to start the week off with going to the Doctor for this nagging cough then I am off to the gym tonight for Zumba (I know I will sleep like a baby later yeah) then get back into my gym time this week.

I do have some pics just really busy today getting back into things I will try and post later in the week. Hope everyone had a great weekend!

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Party Time!

I leave for my trip tomorrow morning at 6AM so today will be my last post until Monday. Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend and I will touch base with you guys next week.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Up and Ready!

Since Monday I have been doing really well at the gym. I went to Zumba and worked on the elliptical walked on the treadmill for 15 mins and Last night I went to Strive and I am really feeling it today. But I did find out some good news there is an Abs class on Wednesday's at 4:30 pm I am so there next week! I asked Michael if this was true and he said yep I will see you there right lol! He is just so darn cute lol!

But on a good note I have been really thinking about my rut. I am working on it but I can see where it will take some time to "search" myself for what needs to be done to resolve it. I am finding it tuff because when you doubt yourself even for one minute it is so hard to look past that and see the future. But that is life and we always need to remember who we are and realize we are much better than we think. I did read some of the feed back (greatly appreciated) and the one that hit home was, "You don't let your weight define who you are". What truer words have been spoken!

Monday, February 16, 2009

Short Week but on track

Happy Monday everyone - This is a short week for me because I am going out of town (to see my Son) so I am dedicated to starting this week off right. Tonight is Zumba and I am actually thinking of going to bodypump (oh how I have missed you) but I am usually so sore afterwards I am kind of scared but I am so ready to jump back into my routines and get out of this mood I am in.

Since finding out I cannot participate in the Marathon I have been in a rut and I totally know it is my fault and I keep saying I need to get back on that horse and get back into the groove but something in me keeps me from doing that. I think I am letting my insecurities get back into my head and that is not a good thing.

For many years I had a lot of them and over the last 9 months I have been doing so much better but in the last few weeks I have noticed I have fallen back into some of the things I used to do. I do not have a high opinion of myself (not at all) when people give me compliments, as I have stated before, I just don't see it. Yes I have lost 50 lbs yes I am looking better but..........there is still that feeling that I can do so much more. Unfortunately we live in a society that does not like you for you they only see the outside and don't bother to get to know the person inside and that is what I am struggling with right now. I hate when people judge you because of your weight - I try and laugh it off and say they are losing out and I am just fine the way I am but in the end that feeling of doubt creeps back in and there I am again in the same spot I was in 9 months ago. This week I have set my goal to get back on track and put those feelings behind me and know that I am worthy of all of this and just because I am overweight right now it does not make me a second class citizen!

Friday, February 13, 2009

Friday the 13th!

Most people have a problem with Friday the 13th but I love it! I was actually born on the 13th of May and my b-day falls on Friday every few years and it always ends up being a wonderful day for me. Are any of you Superstition? Do you avoid this date?

UPDATE: I am actually feeling better today still a little stuffy and some nasty stuff coming up (lol) but I have my fingers crossed

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Down and Out Again!

This darn cold I have is on full attack again and that means I did not make it to the gym last night and I actually think I am going to have to lay out all week and try and rest and recover. I am going out of town next week and I so do not want to be sick. So depressing I want to be able to go to the gym and get back on the losing end of my weight. So not happy today!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Weigh In - and not so tuff!

Yesterday was my weigh in for the past 2 weeks and I am still stuck at 273. I am glad I did not gain anything but it does show me I have so not been focused on my journey and I need to get back on the horse and get it going.

Last night I went to Zumba (not pool) and I was really good and my ankle is not really that sore today. I only did the moves that did not require any bouncing which was great for me and I feel great today. The key to Zumba is to keep moving and burn as many calories as you can. I am so down for that!

Tonight I am off to strive and the elliptical and some bike time Wednesday I am going to take Zumba again and also go back to Pilates and just keep being really nice to my ankle. Hope everyone is having a great Tuesday.

"The friendships which last are those wherein each friend respects the other's dignity to the point of not really wanting anything from him”
-Cyril Connolly

Monday, February 9, 2009

High Hopes!

Today is a great day I will be off to work out at the gym tonight (elliptical the bike etc). I feel really good today (no ankle pain) so my fingers are crossed it will last for a while. This weekend I spent some time at the batting cages getting ready for softball and I was surprised just how well my ankle did (I was a little scared you never know what might happen). I have HIGH hopes for this week - Happy Monday everyone!

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Cold Again!

The last few days I have been fighting another cold......I just cannot win. The weather here has been in the teens and I have been going out a lot to the gym etc and I think at my age I must be to old to be getting cold lol! But I do feel a lot better today but I am going to take it easy today and tomorrow and on Monday head back to the gym. Remember to listen to your body it will tell you when you can and cannot do something and right now mine is saying NO!

Happy Weekend everyone!

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Different but good and please show some respect!

Last night I joined the Zumba class they offer in the pool at the gym and let me just say it is a lot harder than the regular one. The instructor was really nice I explained about my ankle and she said we can modify the moves so don't worry (as long as you are moving that is the most important part). We started off slow and then worked our way up through the moves (a lot of them are just like the ones in the regular class). The instructor was a little distracted and I could not figure out why but I finally did.......while we were doing the class she keep moving us from one side of the wall to the next (turn left turn right etc) and I noticed everyone staring at us. Well I have come to just not worry about anyone else and just enjoy what I am doing and know that I am doing what I need to do to achieve my goals. Well I think she did not like them pointing and laughing at us so she turned everyone to the wall so that we could not see them. Now I understand when you are watching someone taking a class that you are curious but don't be rude! We are all working on the same goals and respect is what is needed. I was fine but one of the ladies in the group got out because she got embarrassed. My hope is she will come back and not let these people run her off. I get embarrassed really easily but when I want something I go for it 100% and try and not let my fears get in the way and not let others interfere on what I am trying to do. Please show some respect (parents stop your children from pointing and laughing and just because you think someone cannot hear you they can your comments can hurt!).

In all I really enjoyed it I am a little sore today but really feel good and I plan on going again soon. Tonight I am off as well as Friday but on Saturday and Sunday I plan to attack my routines and get back on the wagon 100%!

"I'm not concerned with your liking or disliking me... All I ask is that you respect me as a human being.”
.....Jackie Robinson

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

This and that..and advise needed!

Good morning everyone hope all is well your way! This week has started off ok I made it back to the gym this week and it has already been a slow process for me. Swimming is ok not much to it and I get all I need out of it so that is good last night I went to Strive and it was going well until my ankle decided enough was enough so I took it easy the rest of the night. It is kind of frustrating but I am going to get through this and it will work out.

Tonight I am going to try the water Zumba class the instructor told me we can modify it for my ankle and I can still get a great work out and I hope I have time to make it to Pilates (Zumba is at 6:30 only 30 mins and Pilates is at 7 pm and I have to get dressed to go) so fingers crossed for me.

NEED ADVICE: I was approached by one of my Friends to try online dating. Now I know a lot people try this approach but I am not sure if this is for me. I am very shy and meeting someone I don't know is really going to be hard for me. And I am so insecure about my weight and how I see myself will someone actually think I am attractive? A lot to think about and I am hoping some of you have tried it or know someone that has and what their experience might have been. Have a wonderful Wednesday!

Monday, February 2, 2009

Back on the Wagon!

This week starts my re dedication to the gym. I am actually looking forward to trying something new.

Monday is swimming then the rest of the week will be finding some classes I can take in the pool - I did find a Zumba class so hopefully I will be able to do that one (minus the bouncing) and also a class called finning? Not sure what that is about but I will let you guys know.

My ankle has been hurting some this weekend not sure why but I am struggling through and I am just taking it easy and focusing on what is coming up in the next few months. Hope everyone meet their goals this weekend.

"A friend is one who believes in you when you have ceased to believe in yourself."