Last night I went out with some friends and we had dinner. Most of the people I am around are very supportive of my meal choices when we go out but last night I meet some new people (friends of friends). Dinner was going well until it came time for me to order (salad and fish) and one of the "ladies" in the group said why don't you get some real food? What? One of my friends explained that I am on a healthy lifestyle change and that I have lost 50 lbs etc. (and yes I am the only overweight person in my group of friends). Well that is when it started....this person went on to say well if you cannot enjoy yourself why bother? Now this is a person who might weigh 120 lbs and can eat and drink anything they want...so I was kind of taken aback by their words and not sure what to say.
As dinner progressed she was making comments about how wonderful her steak was and how great her potatoes were etc...and looking in my direction. Ok I can take a lot of stuff but being rude, for no reason except to be mean - is not acceptable to me. I really feel sorry for my friend she had to defend me and that is not what this journey is for. I started my life change for ME not anyone else! What I chose to eat or not eat is up to ME and no one else! So to anyone who just does not get it - get a life!
After the meal was over and everyone was leaving my friend came over to apologize about what had happened and I reassured her that she was not to blame and really no one is - this person obviously does not care about others and what they do or how they feel she is into herself and could care less what other people do.
I learned a lot at this dinner even though I know that other people’s opinion should not matter it really does hurt when someone says things to you without knowing the reason. I try and not be judgmental - who am I to judge you and what other people chose to do is their business and many should be commended on what they achieve (no matter how little or small it is). Life is to short and precious to hold these negative feelings - I think this falls under my self-esteem issues I know it should not matter what other people think or say but somehow it does.
Have any of you had this reaction before (from someone you hardly know) and how did you handle it?
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16 comments:
Wow! Reading this got me so ANGRY. That broad is NO "lady." She was rude and manipulative and needs to learn some manners.
In WW they taught us this saying: "I appreciate your interest in my health, but I'd prefer you not comment on my food choices." Practice saying this and then changing the subject. No one has the right to pry into your personal life that way. And you don't even need to tell someone about your weightloss or your efforts if you don't want to. I'd steer clear of this poison-monger in the future. Life is too short to waste time with negative people!
PS Way to go with sticking to your guns and ordering the food you wanted. :) You are doing awesome and I know you'll continue to succeed!
Wow - how absolutely rude! It is hard to ignore other people's opinions sometimes even when you know they should not matter. But she apparently has issues so you must definitely ignore her. :)
Un-fricken-believable! What was her problem?!
My favourite retort to anything is "Do you know that you said that outloud?" Then give a pitying shake of my head and turn away. Anything else is ignored. Probably not appropriate in this situation where she was a friend of your friend's. Not sure what I would have done.
Still, it's too bad that your friend felt it was necessary to defend your choices by explaining your business to this clod. She really didn't deserve an explanation, just stony silence!
I have been in your shoes before many times! my sister is 106 lbs. and with the exclusion of one friend, all of mine are really skinny and can eat whatever they want too so i completely understand! I have been on the weight loss journey for alittle over a year now and can tell you that there will always be ignorant people that just dont seem to comprehend what we have to endure to lose the weight. The only thing I can tell you is that sometimes it is important to try and educate people on the life we must lead by eating healthier and withstanding from eating fatty foods. Just know that you cant make everyone understand and that you are doing such a great job and should be proud of yourself. Another food for thought is the idea that even though those people are 120 lbs and eating whatever they want, in the long run, with your healthy eating habits and lifestyle, you will be better off and live longer. stay strong and know that you are never alone in this journey!!!
That is so great you were able to stick by your decision and not be pressured by immature people to change your order. Im so glad that you were not pulled off track. YOu are such an inspiration and I read your blog every day.
I had a similar problem when I went out to breakfast with people from work. They were making fun of the way I ordered my meal. It did make me feel bad but I told them I don't care, I am doing this for me & I am sticking to it.
T.--- I am very proud of the way you handled this!
You are not only changing in looks, but u stood up for
yourself by not caving and sticking to ur diet plan of
eating healthy. There are many 100# people out there who are not healthy. She might think she is safe from illness but one day it very well could catch up with her.Keep it up! M.
I've found that whenever people act like this it's because they have an unresolved issue within themselves that they wish they could change (may not be weight related) but they are not doing it and feel resentful of someone who IS taking charge and making changes. As a society we project a lot of our personal stuff onto other people, consciously or unconsciously. Now that doesn't make it any easier in the moment, but I heard tip that helps me a lot.
When someone starts to verballize negative or unkind things, visualize a shield of armor around you, protecting you, and watch their words (like bullets or arrows) hit your shield and land on the floor...because that's where they belong. :)
Wow! I just don't know what to say. She clearly has issues that have nothing to do with you.
It sounds like you handled it with grace and dignity. I don't know if I could have done the same.
I am flabbergasted at the way this woman acted! What a rude FREAK. I am totally livid on your behalf but impressed by the classy manner in which you handled it.
You look absolutely wonderful BTW - you have so much of which to be proud.
Totally agree with everyone else, but what I come away with is that in those moments, that rude womans true self got shown to all who were there and How UGLY she is.
I'll take fat over that kind of ugly anyday.
First I would like to say that I am sorry this happened to you. And I firmly believe that when these things are said – it is ALL about the person saying them – and nothing about the recipient. You just happened to be in her line of fire.
Do not assume that the person speaking does not have issues with food – just because she is thin – she may well have major issues with food. And that might be what fueled her response.
I do have a fantasy where I turn right around and say – if we are allowed to be rude and say whatever we want – do I get to pick the next topic??? If it is a really bad PMS day – it might happen. . .
I learned long ago - if I don't talk about my food or my exercise - then people (mostly) do not comment. (I realize that your friend was trying to defend you – but in a way she was opening it for discussion). In the beginning - I WAS talking about food and exercise - and I think that made people think the topic was open for discussion. NOW, if pressed, I am more likely to say 'very personal/medical reasons' than I am to talk about health or weight loss. And I have to be REALLY pressed to even say that much.
My 14 year old daughter is running into this with her friend's parents. The parents express that she is being PICKY when she politely refuses junk. She doesn’t comment on the junk – she just says no thank you. She still gets comments. And what I have been telling her is this - You are ahead of the curve, as far as the whole country's eating habits, and you are going to run into people that simply do not understand. They may NEVER 'get it' or they may 'get it' in a few years down the road – it is hard to say. There is nothing wrong with your choices and you have nothing to defend or apologize for - ever. What they eat and feed their children is their private business and what you feed yourself and what we eat at our house is ours. She packs her own food/snacks if she is going to a house where she knows there will be nothing for her to eat. If they are out at a restaurant (like fast food) she makes the best choices that she can - and she is careful to ask what the plans are so she can prepare – sometimes this preparation means she eats before she goes and then just drinks water and visits. She can easily say something like – my mom had just cooked a meal so I ate with my family and then came to visit with you. We have slowly been dragging our extended family forward to healthy eating – so my kids do NOT face this with family. But at school, church, clubs, and friends – they do! It is amazing what people are still eating and feeding their kids.
Wow...unbelievable! I'll bet that person is just rude in all aspects of her life, and you simply got caught in her cross-fire. Good for you for staying true to youself!
Good for sticking to your diet despite the attitude from these people! Eating healthy does not mean one cannot enjoy yourself!
All I can say his how rude. Very proud you stuck to your guns. Thankfully this lady isnt a close friend. Martine
wow. i can't believe the nerve. she probably went home and gagged herself to puke her food! (well, thinking that makes me feel better). oh and i like fish and veggies!!! don't forget that weight is not the only issue. skinny people have heart attacks every day. this journey is also about HEALTH and that comes from eating healthy whether you are wanting to lose weight or not.
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