This morning when I was getting dressed for work I was reminded by a voice in my head (Dee and Cindy) telling me it is time to give up those baggy pants and be who you really are. In the last few weeks since losing so much weight a lot of my clothes are hanging off of me (and comments have been said). But this week it has really hit close to home. On Monday at the gym I was wearing my usual work clothes (baggy pants, shirt etc) and when I got redressed after swimming I noticed how BIG my pants really are and just what everyone keeps telling me - and this morning when I was getting dressed I had to keep pulling up my pants (most of my pants are nylon and elastic bands). My emotions right now are going crazy - I know this is great news but my baggy clothes are my security of who I am - Am I really ready to be the real person I am inside? Am I ready to give up my security blanket? It is always scary to me to try new things (but I do believe you at least have to try them once before saying no) and also knowing that I have to "dress" the way I need too (clothes that actually fit) I am scared out of my mind!
Last month I did buy some jeans and this week I am going to try and find another pair that I can live with and also try and wear them out and about so I can get comfortable with the new me. This transition is like all the others it is just something that has come and I need to get out there and show everyone who I really am and not be afraid of the outcome. But my insecurities are eating me alive – what other people see is not what I see. I still think of myself as that 322 lb person (pic to the right) and when I look in the mirror that is all I really notice. Self image is the toughest part – I am my worst enemy and I know it and I am trying to move past that but after all of these years of being obese and not caring it is really hard to let go of that part of yourself and let the real you out. But this week I am going to take a giant leap of faith and trust myself enough to emerge from my cocoon and be the beautiful butterfly I truly am. I keep being reminded by my Son “you are the strongest person I know” so I better prove it to him and stop keeping myself from being who I am.
I promise to take pics (I know I keep saying that but I will) and post them this weekend. Watch out everyone the new Mara is about to explode on the scene!
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
- Theodor Seuss Geisel
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8 comments:
yes I want pics. YES I LOVE that you put that quote at the bottom.
Im thisclose to getting it tattood as a sentence up my spine.
(yea you read that right :))
appt set and everything.
I love your blog and I think you are awesome and you are such an inspiration. I am just starting my fitness journey and I read your blog every morning religiously for motivation and reminders that I can do it. I cant wait to see new pics and I cant wait to see the new you explode!
Sarah
Definitely looking forward to the pictures :) It's amazing sometimes how the body and mind aren't always on the same wavelength!!
I know what you mean about the fear! You can so do it and feel great about it. Its totally there waiting for you to grab a hold.
:)
I love the pics! Can't wait to see you post some more.
:)
I am experiencing the same thing right now. All of my pants are extremely baggy and a few are almost to the point that they are about to fall off my body. I'm trying to wait just a bit longer to be fully into a size 24 before I buy some more. It is more about the economic sense than me wanting to hang out to a sense of security though. But I do have that issue in just being able to deal with the weight loss and how I am now perceived. It is pretty darned overwhelming some times.
Isn't it a great, albeit new, feeling though? I have NEVER been succesful at this diet thing and I am on the threshhold of losing 100 pounds. It brings me to tears every now and then.
Embrace the new you. Buy yourself some well fitting pants. You will feel sexier and more confident.
You have done sooo well and worked soooo hard that you DESERVE those pix! And pants and everything else that goes along! You'll adjust and love it! Can't wait!
I know what you mean about your pants and finding new ones. I know when I started losing the weight it was so hard to get rid of pants that were what I lived in for so long and they felt comfy and I felt good in them (but in reality they weren't fitting anymore) but just think there are going to be sooooo many new pants that will be just like that for you. Well done on your success.
Hooray for clothes that fit! Stop wearing things that are too baggy :) Yes, it is scary at times but it's also exhilarating!
You can always keep a pair of the baggy pants in your closet, kind of like a security blanket, just knowing they're there if you want to wear them.
Besides, you don't want to be walking along somewhere and then suddenly find the waistband around your ankles!!
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