Monday, January 5, 2009


I was reading the fitness tip of the day (at the right of my blog at the top); "Ultimately, I am what I choose to be; my self-esteem follows the same path." -Anonymous
BOY does this hit home for me - as posted as one of my 2009 goals I am working on my self-esteem and I am finding it quite the struggle. It seems to be a lot harder than being on my weight loss journey and a lot tougher than I every expected it would be.

Many people don't believe how shy and insecure I really am. A lot of people I know always say you are so confident; you are such an inspiration etc. If many of them really knew that I was just "playing" the role they would be shocked. When I gained that 322 lbs my self-esteem really went down and now that I have been on my way down on the scale I am finding it hard to receive the compliments and also see myself as everyone else does. I have this problem when people tell me how "hot" I look or how I have changed so much from the weight loss I just say stuff like - thanks but I am not happy or I don't see it or my favorite I have so much more to do and That is not what I see. And it is true - I still see myself as the 322 lb person that I have been for so long. Don't get me wrong I do notice some changes (bra size, losing a shoe size and pants size etc) but what I ultimately want to see I guess I am becoming inpatient. I need to really work on my self-esteem and enjoy who I am and not be so hard on myself (as I have posted before I am my worst enemy) and just enjoy this time in my life. I have accomplished so much and I have changed - I am a new person inside and out and I should be shouting it from the roof top that I am a different person than I was 8 months ago. This battle is going to be a hard one for me - my trainer has commented before about that (I get embarrassed if I have to do something in front of a group of people) that if I was alone in the gym I could accomplish so much more - and she is 100% right! I am to busy worrying about what everyone else is thinking instead of what I know I can do.

What do you guys do to improve your self-esteem?


Anonymous said...

I completely understand, I am always self conscience, however, people think I am very confident, but I don't let people into my inner thoughts, and the gym is very scary, and its hard to give it your all in front of all the others. I am not sure how I am going to change it, I too, when someone notices changes in me, seem to shy away and think they are crazy, i guess I need to work on it along with you, because I really don't have the "answer"
Good post!

Chews to Lose said...

Great & honest post. I think that most people who have weight issues have self esteem issues as well. I can relate - I guess it's just another step in the process. And, from my point of view - you're doing an awesome job and look great! Congrats on the 8 miles too!

Dutch said...

That is a hard question for me because my self-esteem is very low. One of my goals is to try not to be so scared all the time and to get out and try new things. As I get older I try to remember that it doesn't really matter what everyone else thinks but what I think of myself. I know that is hard to understand because I am still struggling with it. I think you are doing a great job and I love reading your journal because you are inspiring me to reach 8 miles. Thanks and have a great week.

Sabs said...

One of my 2009 goals is also to work on my self-esteem.

I have been to a psychologist for counselling on this and she had me do some exercises.

A few examples:

1) Keeping a daily diary to see if I have negative thought patterns and if I tend to break myself down.

2) Making a list of things I am good at or qualities I possess that are good.

3) Doing things that I enjoy

4) Finding new things that I enjoy

5) Putting myself first at times, e.g. treating myself to a spa treatment or special outfit

6) Loving myself despite my shortcomings

7) Accepting my body and how hard it works for me. I may be fat, but I have given birth to a beautiful baby and have the scars to prove it.

Would love to hear what others are doing as well.

Martine said...

I love that quote and I suppose it is right. I need to work on my self confidence a bit more. Love the blog. martine

Martine said...

I have just re-read your last entry. It is like I was writing the entry. I try to tell myself that I must love myself first - hard at times. Martine

Sandrelle said...

Oh, I remember when I went to a new gym for the first time and had an assigned trainer. I was feeling so bad about myself and fat and ugly and she made me do these run-around-the-gym things and I felt awful, and to top it off it was "prime time" at the gym and it was packed. In my mind I thought, "doesn't she know fat people don't like to parade around the gym??!!" I was so upset, she was a terrible trainer anyway. The next week I went back but changed to a new trainer. He was awesome and listened to me and didn't make me run around in front of everyone. My self esteem was low and it was still a challenge, but I remembered a quote I'd heard, "Feel the fear and do it anyway!" It gets easier the more you go, and as your body changes and the compliments come in you will be smiling. You are worth it. You are worth health and well-being and the body you want. Don't let anyone stop you.

Sandrelle said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Booboo said...

I used to be so self conscious, but I'm a lot better now. I still have my moments, but not usually while working out. My last trainer made me do two things. He made me look around and realize that at any given time, nobody was paying me any attention. Most people are so focused on themselves or wondering if others are looking at them they generally don't notice you. I realized he was right so I just focus on myself now and don't care about them. If I get a little nervous about those other people, I just say in my head "no, I'm not paying attention to you". For some reason, that seems to help me. The biggest thing he made me do was to look at myself in the mirror. To look deep inside my eyes and to tell myself what I saw. I was suprised at the dead look. There was nothing there. That scared me and made me realize that I didn't like or love myself. So I looked in my eyes every day for several months and asked myself how I felt about myself and why. I started having thoughts pop into my head that surprised me. I started taking care of those issues or at least acknowledging them. I can finally look in the mirrow now and say that I really like myself and it's changed my life. Are there still things I want to work on or change? Of course! But I do it with a different spirit instead of self-loathing. Hope this helps.

Mara said...

I have an amazing trainer she is my motivation for so many things and she knows me well enough to know how hard to push me. I just need to work on how I see myself and you guys are right everyone at the gym is not there to watch me - it is all in my head!