Yesterday I was in the grocery store picking up some snacks for work (yogurt, peanuts and some cheese) and as I proceeded to the check out I bumped into this young guy (maybe 25?) and all of the items I was holding fell on the floor. As I proceeded to apologize to him and pick up my items he turned around and said "watch it you fat cow"! As I tried to keep my cool and not get upset with him I let him know I was sorry for bumping into him and he cut me off then proceeded to make more comments and also call me a Bitch! Ok if you don't know me that well you are not qualified to call me that and even calling me names what is that about? I try really hard to always be positive and not let words or someone’s actions hurt me but I have to say this has been eating at me all night and even into this morning. I am really good about not listening to others comments but for some reason this has been hitting me hard in the last 24 hours.
In the the last few months I have maintained the 273 lbs (but gained 2 so now I am 275 lbs.) I think I might be a little sensitive about the whole thing. I am trying to refocus my positive attitude and not let this get me down but how rude of someone to make me feel this way and why do I let it bother me so much? One of my favorite quotes is by Eleanor Roosevelt "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" these are actually words I live by - you control how you feel and you should NEVER let anyone bring you down. I just think my confidence level is faltering and I just need to pick myself back up and know within myself I am better than that!
Have any of you come across this and how did you handle it?
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14 comments:
I was going to quote the same thing from Elenor Roosevelt! It is so true.
Sometimes when I see rude people like that, it really is an insecurity on their end and I really feel sorry for them. They typically have something inside going on and it manifests it in them making (or trying to make others) feel bad about themsleves in order to elevate how they feel about themselves. Make sense? I hope so, it is early LOL
I am sorry this has been bothering you and I just came across your blog the past few days but I think you are doing great. We all have ups and downs on the scale and emotionally. Keep a positive outlook(looks as if you are already) and move on, I know you will succeed, it looks like you really have it in you to do so.
What a jerk! I guess it would depend on my mood of the day if someone said anything like that to me.
Last time someone made a comment on my weight that I can remember it was about 4 mid 20's guys at Adventure Island. They pushed Laura out of line or or swore or something, which pissed me off; then they made some fat comment as I was heading down the slide.
At the bottom, I made Laura hide and I waited for the jerks. When they all 4 got down, I approached them and gave them holy heck.
Picture it - Short round me in a giant Tshirt and a hat looking up at the jerks. First I confronted them about the comments, and they said "no Ma'am, it wasn't us" and i told them in my usual colorful language that it was them and if they did it again I would report them and have them kicked out of the park!
They apologized over and over. I was shaking when I got done, but DON"T mess with Mama's kids and THEN make fun of her.
In this case, I don;t know what I would have done! crying would be a good defense to make the @$$hole feel bad, but I can't see you crying over that! More colorful words also come to mind, but one good thing that always puts people in their place, even if they are not religious is "God forgive him, he doesn't realize what he is saying."
Or we could go with my comedic approach... knock him down and sit on him LOL
I'm sorry you were exposed to this ignorance. Hang in there, you are doing so well! Forget him, I know it's hard. Or go to the gym with the boxing bag thingy and pound the heck out of it!
miss ya - B
That is by far one of my favorite quotes ever too!!
As for the simple minded, ignorant jerk... I wish I had wonderful words of wisdom for you. I really don't know what is wrong with people these days!! I'd be so ashamed if that were my son! He is fully and totally selfish. He said the first hateful and mean thing that came to his mind, not because you hurt him in any way but because he must be full of hate and hurt himself. Why else would he want to lash out that way?
He sounds like a sociopath. If you'd been old, or in a wheelchair, or whatever, he would have used that to stab at you. Hateful people abound. We have to ignore them and not take it to heart. (That said, I would have been upset too, probably would have gone home crying). Just know it is not YOU, it is his issue and he would be hateful no matter who you were.
That guy is the rudest person. I am so sorry that happened & that there are people who act like that. I love how you try not to let others get you down. Keep your head up. You can do it.
Just found your blog!
OMG, I would have probably flung a pizza at his neck like a frisbee in hopes it would chop his head off. AAARRRRGGGG
Well, in all seriousness, I probably would have turned around and went to fill up with more binge food, then gone home and drowned my embarressment in chips & pizza & ice cream.
You started your journey at 322lbs...so you more then anyone, know this is a lifelong journey and the only way to make it through, is to continue to stay positive.
I added your blog to my list of must reads and am so excited by the success you've already had!! Congrats on the weight loss, your doing awesome!!
Dear Mara,
Sorry that you had to encounter such an ugly person...and anyone who is that full of hate and deliberately hurtful IS ugly on the inside. Wish I could give you more than a virtual hug to help you.
I am struggling to lose over 50 pounds and so admire what you have managed to do in your journey so far. You are an inspiration to me and many others.
Oh, Mara, I'm sorry you had to go through that. What a freaking a-wad. Seriously. He was raised in a box. Still, that had to have hurt.
I know you'll stay strong. Look how far you've come, for cryin' out loud. I still look at your younger photos and think, "Wow...I want to be her."
I remind myself that rude comments say more about the person who said them, than they do about the person they were said to. And then, honestly? I stew about it all day, wishing I had done something different, or said something rude back!
I'm sorry you met up with such a jerk. Feel sorry for him: he has to live with himself. You, fortunately, will likely never see him again!
It sounds like he has much worse problems in life than just a bump in the store.
Instead of letting something like that upset me, I might just reflect on what kind of miserable life he is creating for himself.
A jerk? Maybe.
But pathetic? Definitely.
OMG that made me so upset to read that , what an insensitive piece of nothing! He is so out of line for that, u are beautiful and keep up on the weight loss, dont worry about insensitive pricks like that, his mom failed him or he was probably not loved as a kid or something..how sad, pray for him
I'm really sorry you quite literally bumped into such an a-hole! In the end he is only showing himself up. My husband says to me, "You only met the guy for a few seconds, imagine having to live with him!" Not particularly helpful all the time, but it does make you feel sorry for his family & significant others (if he has any, which I doubt).
Also, this is a great read http://diannesylvan.typepad.com/dancing_down_the_moon/2008/02/for-racu-an-ane.html/ that shows that the rude person gets their comeuppance in the end.
I remember a couple standing behind me making a comment about my body, something along the lines of, "she's so fat I can barely tell her gender" (I knew they were talking about me because there were no other people around). I turned around and flung the comment back at one of them, saying "Right back at you," even though it didn't make much sense. It made them shut up, and let them realize how stupid and inconsiderate a comment it was. The couple probably wouldn't remember the incident for as long I did, like your guy wouldn't, and I hope you can get over the negative feelings soon too.
I try to stand up for myself when I can, and if I can't, I'd let it out ASAP (swear, growl, tell my friends, share my feelings) and try to get over any negative feelings I have left. I think what you're doing is a great idea, letting it out and sharing it on your blog. The only thing is don't hold the bad feelings, express 'em and let them go!! :)
Mara, so sorry you had to endure that! It really isn't about you, the guy sounds a little psycho. If you were very thin he likely would have found other nasty words anyway.
It's normal to feel upset by this kind of thing, because a verbal attack is still an attack. You tried to diffuse the incident by apologizing. His reaction proves he was out of control. His bad.
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